I've realized something.

Not suddenly, I've just been trying to formulate it into words, I guess. And gain the confidence to actually admit it.
I cannot care for another human the way that they want me to. I'm not sure why. Maybe something happened in my past that triggered it? Maybe it's a collection of events? Maybe it's the reason I think? Maybe it just isn't for me.
I like dating, for the first few weeks, anyways. I like the excitement, the new-ness of it. But after a while, I feel like it's a burden. It's not that I don't like the person back, but I fear that I can't give enough. I start to feel smothered and I start to want to pull away. I need my space. I need my freedom and the ability to do what I want without having to tell someone what I'm doing, or to text somebody constantly. I just feel like my personal space is being taken from me, and I hate the feeling of that. I like to be able to do whatever I want whenever I want, but I also like people, so I'm torn. I like the affection, I like getting to know people better and talking with them. I do get feelings for people, and they're usually strong, but these reasons make me pull away.
I just feel like I can't reciprocate the feelings correctly and I feel like it's a lie. I feel like I'm doing something wrong, so, even though I'm going against what I actually want, I end it, so that I don't lead them on or make it one-sided, where they're putting in all the effort.


I'm a really weird kid, I know. I'm trying to get better, I swear.