I'm not depressed,

I've just lost all faith in humanity.
Everyone is so annoying.
People are so phony, and I don't mind if that makes me sound like an annoying teenager referencing Holden Caufield.
People want so much attention, and its disgusting.
People want all the credit, but aren't willing to work for it.

I'm just so disgusted.

I'm done.

So fucking done.

You're a cunt.

Fuck you.

Woooooow

You're a bitch.

I've realized something.

Not suddenly, I've just been trying to formulate it into words, I guess. And gain the confidence to actually admit it.
I cannot care for another human the way that they want me to. I'm not sure why. Maybe something happened in my past that triggered it? Maybe it's a collection of events? Maybe it's the reason I think? Maybe it just isn't for me.
I like dating, for the first few weeks, anyways. I like the excitement, the new-ness of it. But after a while, I feel like it's a burden. It's not that I don't like the person back, but I fear that I can't give enough. I start to feel smothered and I start to want to pull away. I need my space. I need my freedom and the ability to do what I want without having to tell someone what I'm doing, or to text somebody constantly. I just feel like my personal space is being taken from me, and I hate the feeling of that. I like to be able to do whatever I want whenever I want, but I also like people, so I'm torn. I like the affection, I like getting to know people better and talking with them. I do get feelings for people, and they're usually strong, but these reasons make me pull away.
I just feel like I can't reciprocate the feelings correctly and I feel like it's a lie. I feel like I'm doing something wrong, so, even though I'm going against what I actually want, I end it, so that I don't lead them on or make it one-sided, where they're putting in all the effort.


I'm a really weird kid, I know. I'm trying to get better, I swear.

Sometimes

I say I'm alright, but inside I'm filled with rage. I compose myself and try and act like its fine, because i know, in the future, it will be, but this rage gets to me sometimes. I just need someone to talk to. I want someone to sit with me and talk with me about everything forever.
I just want a friend.

I just decided that,

I miss this site. I had moved to Tumblr for a while, which I will keep, but I'm going to keep updating this site too, because I feel like this site is the place for longer blogs, which I've been wanting to do, and tumblr is just a site to post things you like. That's my personal opinion.

So I'll be writing more on here, even though I highly doubt that anybody reads this.