Saturday, April 10, 2010

Too much.

I have so much to say and I'm not sure how to put it into words, but I'm going to try and give it a shot.
First off, Florida is in a day. I know people are probably going to get mad at me, but this won't be intentional on my part. I just want to be happy.Why can't people get along? I just want this trip to be good, that's all.
Second, I just recently got a GPA of 4.4000, causing me to move up to be ranked second in my class. I was ecstatic. I couldn't have been happier because I had worked my ass of this trimester and feel that I truly deserve it. Also, I got a 27 on my ACT. But with this success, if you will, brings other problems. I feel that I have to dumb myself down just so I can be sympathetic to others, and just so others won't be pissed at me. Why should I have to take credit away from myself just for you to feel satisfied? Why should I allow you to make me feel bad about my good grades? Just because you aren't satisfied with what you've done doesn't mean I should try and make it seem like I don't deserve what I got. And I'm done sympathizing from here on out. From now on, you can cheer yourselves up and motive yourselves.
Thirdly, don't think what you say isn't going to get back to me because, more likely than not, it will. The fact that you've said some of the things you did astonishes me because I've done nothing wrong to you. My grandpa died. I missed four days of school, is that so wrong? Yeah, my brother went to school, but that doesn't mean I had to. My parents okay'ed me everytime I asked to stay home. And no I don't think I'm trying to get away with anything and I'm not regretting missing those four days one bit. Why should I? I'm sorry for bragging, but I missed the limit of days last term, 6 days, go out every weekend with my friends, and even most school nights too, and still managed to get a 4.4000. Also, I did not study one bit for the ACT or for finals. So why should I regret missing four days when I'm independent, can learn on my own, and clearly, can manage myself? The fact that you think I'm so hopeless is crazy to me because, by now, I would've thought that I have proven myself. So next time you think of saying something about me that probably isn't nice, think of a few things: think of what you're saying, who you're saying it to, and if it is true or not.
Lastly, I'm done faking friendships and apologizing for everything that goes wrong in them. Friendships should not be stressful all of the time or have two people angry at each other constantly. A friendship, in my opinion, is one where happiness, (some) similar interests, and wanting to be together is involved. I'm done putting on a show and I'm done worrying about making sure all of my "friends" are happy. This has all been going on for too long and I'm putting it to an end. I know who stays true to me, for the most part, and I'm willing to stick by those people.
Even if nobody reads this, I feel that this was very worthwhile and needed to be put somewhere that wasn't in my head.