darkestcorneroftheuniverse

I feel so fucking alone. I can't stop being sad and I don't know why. I'm just so fucking sad all of the time.
I told myself that I would stop being so sad and mopey and I thought that it would be easy. It isn't a choice anymore. I'm just not happy anymore.
I feel like Haleigh and Crystal hate me and I have no clue why. I honestly want to spend everyday of every weekend with them, but they seem to not want to hangout as badly as I want to.
My roommates broke a couple of my ornaments and for some reason, that really hurt my feelings. I'm not even mad that they broke them. I'm just sad. I don't even know why. It made me so fucking sad. I guess I just feel like they don't care enough about me to take care of my shit. I don't know.
I hate being so alone here. I hate not fitting in. I feel like everybody thinks that everybody else here is hilarious and a great person and I'm just viewed as boring or weird. I hate being the outcast. I hate being the odd one. I'm not odd, people just don't get me. Not that I'm extremely complex, but I don't always like to do things that others like. I don't like video games or movies or things like that. I just like to talk and get to know people and play music and sing and be happy. That's it.
I don't want Christmas to be here. Actually, I'm pretty scared. I don't want it to be terrible. I just want everything to be fixed. I have no sense of family and everything is just spiraling downward and I can't stop it. I can't fix it. I can't make things alright and that scares me.
Usually, in the past, I've been able to feel okay and make myself better, but that isn't the case anymore. I can't stop it. The sadness won't stop. I've tried, but it's hard when even those that you fucking love with everything in you fucking reject you.
I can't do this much longer. I can't keep being this unhappy because it's driving me insane. I feel miserable. It's getting too difficult. I try to talk to people, but they couldn't care less and I know I annoy them. I guess I complain too much.
I know I couldn't ever kill myself but the thought of being dead has been on my mind much too often lately.
I'm so sorry to everybody that I bother. It's just difficult because I feel things so intensely. It's just too difficult.
I'm sorry.
I just want to be happy.